the flower field

 Challenge #2

Tunnel of Love
Journaling: The romance of summer! What do you love? Write about anything you feel sentimental about or that gets your heart pumping.

I feel like I'm full of sentimentality and passion for things I love, but lately I've been feeling weird; then this past weekend I travelled down to my uni with family and graduated (whole cap and gown ceremony, very tiring), so I've been putting off sunshine revival. And updating my dreamwidth in general. Oops! As a result, this is probably going to be short-ish and maybe not entirely coherent. 

Currently, one thing I'm loving is re-reading one of my favourite books, the miseducation of Cameron Post. I first read it as a teenager one summer, and since then I've tried to read it most summers. It's a lesbian coming of age novel, set in a small town in Montana, and to me the book is the embodiment of summer, even though we follow Cameron across multiple years as she kisses girls and grieves her parents and grapples with a little guilt, maybe, and fall really hard for one particular girl, and eventually, gets caught. Cameron Post's first half is sticky summers and causing trouble and that feeling of teenage invincibility; the second half is more sombre, it's But I'm A Cheerleader in muted, desaturated shades. What strikes me in this reread is Cameron's voice as a narrator--she's funny and witty and full of personality that feels so real and specific. I feel like I really know her, or was her, and more than just feel sorry for Cameron, the author has a way of making you feel right with her. It's also fun to read a physical copy finally when for years I've been listening to the audiobokk (which is amazing), and realise how much of my writing quirks can be traced back to this book! All in all, if anything I've said has enticed you, I'd recommend giving it a read. 

<3

 Challenge #1

Journaling Prompt: Light up your journal with activity this month. Talk about your goals for July or for the second half of 2025.

For full transparency I find goals to be a little overwhelming, so these are tentative things I'd like to do rather than 'I'm definitely going to complete these', for my sanity. 

July goals

• Write One more fic for VeinFei Week
• Write a drabble sequence for Xia Fei's birthday 
• Do something to celebrate Xia Fei's birthday (I'm thinking a movie since his character profile specifies he likes movies, and/or a picnic!)

PERSONAL GOALS 

• Prepare + get through my grad ceremony without having a breakdown (lmao)
• Continue going on walks a few times a week 
• Reduce my phone screen time at least a little...

Longer term goals for the rest of the year include:

FIC/FANNISH 

• Write SGDLR exchange fic
• Write pt.3 of piercing the window paper series
• Do something fun for Vein's birthday in August! (Hotpot restaurant...perhaps... ^^)

PERSONAL (movement, work, and hobby goals)

• Get back into going to the gym (if money allows)
• Get back into running (if foot allows orz)
• Go to a fitness class (very curious as to whether I'd even enjoy one of these) OR a dance class

• Rewrite CV
• Start looking for part-time work
• Get proactive about looking for experience + opportunities in the publishing industry

• Get back into writing original fiction (this would be an autumn/winter endeavour I think)
• Start a substack (maybe. I'm thinking about it)
• Solidify reading into my everyday routine (I want to read more!!! I've only read eight books this year...)

Yippee for writing words!! I did some rough scribbling in my notebook and then typed it up, adding some stuff, clearing up a few clunky sentences, and square bracketing some things to expand on later. The first scene is complete, at about 700 words. I'm thinking of putting a cap on my fics for this ship week, because I fear that I am too enamoured with this idea and it'll get out of hand. Maybe a 2k cap, which gives me over 1k words left, but I'm not sure. If I want to write more than one prompt it would probably be a good idea though. 

I was getting a but in my head about writing, as I tend to do--I start doubting myself and if I even like it, if I'm any good, wonder why it doesn't come as easy, compare myself to others, all of it. But there's no harm in just writing out a sentence or two, in trying, and then I was stuck in and it felt so easy and seamless and fun. I remembered, oh of course I love this, I just need to keep on indulging in my own imagination, and I just have to remember this feeling. I think I'm liking this fic so far, and I'm excited to see what I cook up for the next scene(s). We've already got one bite in there, and I think the final scene might be something similar, but tonally very different. This first scene has some desperation, sure, but Xia Fei is also close to dying which...colours the scene, I think. There's restraint here, because I want to Really have the next time be more indulgent, and lingering, rather than a glimpse. I wrote a whole 8k, maybe nearly 10k, vampire short story for my publishing class, so you'd think I was sick of vampires but no actually. I am giggling and kicking my feet over this fic! 

In other semi-related news, matches for the sgdlr exchange should be given and sent out soon, It's my first exchange in literal years so I am slightly scared, but very happy to be participating. Knowing me, though, I'll end up procrastinating my fic till mid-august, lmao. 

<3 

I thought it would be fun to keep a running log of my progress on my wips, so here we are. Way later than intended, I am finally starting to put pen to paper for the upcoming ship week taking place in July. There are two weeks actually--one for veinfei (I prefer the ship name veifei, or vfei for short, but on twitter, where the week is taking place, veinfei was popularised) and one for the reverse dynamic, feivein. I lean more towards veifei than feivein, but god if I had time I'd be participating in both weeks because ahh the prompts look so good!

Unfortunately though, I am a slow, thoughtful writer, who easily gets lost in the sauce of details and what ifs and so on so forth, so I'm being selective about the handful of prompts I'm choosing. Day one is mafia/sickfic/vampire (for sfw prompts, anyway. I am eyeing the nsfw prompts though, trust and believe). For me, I always seem to like challenging myself to combine the prompts, and it gets my imagination whirring seeing how I could conceivably combine mafia and vampires and sickfic. 

Where I ended up, in terms of basic premise/vibes is: okay so, what if, post-Yingdu, Vein and Xia Fei are reunited but Vein has specifically come-back-wrong as a vampire--Xia Fei gets himself into a bad situation, nearly losing his life in the process, but Vein turns him just in time as a last resort (they can't lose one another Again, Xia Fei probably begs him to be saved). Now, a newly turned Xia Fei gets a terrible case of turning sickness, his body trying to adapt to now being a vampire, and Vein cares for him, at first distantly and regretting the pain he's inadvertently putting Xia Fei through, but eventually he opens up....

Technically speaking, the doc is at 0 words; I was feeling especially intimidated at the thought of the dreaded blinking cursor, despite having an idea. Part of that is what I said before, that I get too lost in the small details and it prevents me from starting. I process carefully, slow, and so I need to feel compelled or maybe propelled forwards by a strong image, certainty, and some sense of where I'm going. I rarely outline in a typical way anymore, especially not for (what is hopefully) a shorter fic, but recently my hack for pushing through that awful paralysis is writing on paper! I have this little ish spiral notebook, off-white paper, easy to hunch over and fill up and feel that sense of movement and progress. 

So, I started off with scribbles/word vomit/notes there. I got down what I think I know about the piece, and then the questions and the gaps, I throw out suggestions to myself, I sometimes narrate bits or write down snippets of prose as they come to me, whatever. As long as I'm writing, then I'm happy. There's something so calming and nostalgic and freeing about writing on paper--I feel like my thoughts flow better there, honestly. 

I've become more certain in the setting for the first scene; we're kicking things off with Xia Fei's nearly death, and I thinkkk I want it to be in an abandoned, dilapidated amusement park. Why? Because I think the vibe will work well, I don't know. I make so many of my choices based not on logistics but feeling, vibes, and vague intuition. Also probably because I'm rereading The Miseducation of Cameron Post, and just read a scene at an amusement park. I am somewhat certain of why Xia Fei's there (it's a trap and, rash as he is, he took the bait) and I have a loose notion of the plot beats after this initial scene. Still, there are a lot of blanks to fill...


Also an awful realisation I am constantly reckoning with, regarding writing, is that so much of it is just logistics and decision making. I have one of writing profs in my head going writing is making choices and I'm going I Know, I knowww, God I Know. This is something that is terrible, because I am the least logical and most indecisive person I know. I often say that I lack common sense, because things that occur to other people simply do not occur to me. People will come to these conclusions after some deductive reasoning, meanwhile I simply did not get there. I think this has a lot to do with me being autistic, and how I'm a bottom-up thinker, or to put it in other words, I build up from the small details, rather than having a bigger picture view first and filling in the details. My writing comes to me in flimsy fragments--a line, an image, a vague feeling I want to put into words, one small nugget that captures me. Rarely do I get ideas for plots, concepts, things with multiple moving parts. My ideas feel quite...singular in its scope. 

This can be a pro, in some ways--I've had some great feedback about my prose style, about the small nuances I sometimes capture, and the particularities of my atmosphere. But man, it's NOT conducive for writing narrative with different threads or perspectives, and the less Singular something is the harder it seems to be for me. 

Speaking of perspectives, I am tempted to make the dual pov between Xia Fei and Vein. I have yet to write a longer fic in Vein's pov, and what better time than this fic where he's a regretful, emotionally conflicted vampire (who also wants Xia Fei so so bad)? Some of the snippets I jotted down Are in his point of view, even, so maybe....! However his pov does intimidate me, exactly the reason why I've been holding off on it. No clue how long this fic is going to be but I pray that it's no more than a couple thousand words and/or I am possessed and I write it up so quickly that the wordcount doesn't really matter. For now, though, I think I'll do some more thinking and noting down, maybe take a shower (it continues to be So Hot here, and showers are good for daydreaming and brainstorming) and then set it aside and start Actually typing up some words tomorrow. 

Thank you for joining me for my first in progress rambling!

<3

yesterday morning i was Completely fine, but halfway through the day started sneezing and chalked it up to allergies. fast forward to the evening, and the sneezing hasn't stopped. plus i started feeling head achey, i think. that and the heat was killer--in retrospect, maybe i was feverish? anyway, i watched some anime (mainly caught up on apocalypse hotel) and then had the WORST sleep. like wow. 

silver lining was waking up at five and watching the sunrise, but my throat was in excruciating pain (i say excruciating, but i am just really sensitive to pain). the timing is honestly a little cruel--i had plans today, and on saturday too :( today i've been dozing off on the sofa and watching youtube videos and not much else. my brain feels sluggish and i didn't have the energy to write or even read, anything requiring some brain power tbh. hilariously, as i was in the throes of pain last night i self soothed by imagining vein getting sick (because i need to put vein and not just xia fei in situations LMAO. hypocritical seeing as next on the wip queue is veifei vampire fic, with a sick!xf. but anyway). i might continue playing love curse, maybe try nyx's route finally, since that's not too high energy. having said that, it's also getting late, and i think my brother said we could watch a movie. 

i am so grateful for my mum, though, cos even though i know she's in pain (had a fall and fractured her ankle) she made me fish soup and pasta, and some lemon and ginger tea. if i had gotten this sick back at uni i probably would have been way more depressed, and taken longer to feel better too. 

hoping and praying and wishing on a star, whatever really, that i get a good night's sleep and wake up Not feeling like death tomorrow. 

<3

after a couple days of lurking/exploring/getting to grips with dw, i thought i would try my hand at posting something (other than my exchange letter!)


a bit about me 

i'm ness, aka bloomingsite (on ao3 and now here). i've just finished up my final year of uni for creative writing and eng lit, i'm in my 20's. i like to write (fan fics and og stuff-- i sort of swing back and forth between the two. original stuff encompasses a handful of unfinished novels, short stories and poetry. i also like to journal). i like to read, though don't ask me how much i've read this year, okay, it's been a hectic last semester. i'm a lesbian and maybe ace but i'm sort of just ignoring that for the moment. i'm also autistic!

i think dreamwidth appeals to me because as of late, social media has been stressing me out. i think the fast pace can be kind of overwhelming for me, and though i DO enjoy many aspects of it, and it's not like i'm jumping ship from the other sites i frequent (yet), i felt like a change of pace was necessary. it's hard to describe, but recently i've really wanted to share my thoughts on things and be a more active participant online, antithetical to the reblog/retweet culture of tumblr/twt. of ocurse, i know i CAN share my thoughts there, many other people do, but i have this weird anxiety/hang up about it. on tumblr i get in my head about whether i should share on my main or one of my sideblogs, if i sound silly, what my mutuals will think, if it's a thought that is 'worth' posting, if this is the 'right' thing to post. on twitter i worry i'm not funny or interesting enough, etc. i feel too perceived and Aware of my potential audience, and it's stifling. 

because of this, i find myself not posting much, but i want to! dw seems cosy and like i'll be able to more freely write, without the anxiety demons in my head stopping me from doing so. that's why i'm here, giving this a try :)

things i may post + interests 

now, this is subject to change, but for the moment i'll try to outline things i will probably talk about on here! first of all, (fic) writing! i may touch on original stuff, but honestly this summer, after Just finishing up my undergrad, i want to write self indulgently and for pure love of the game. entries will likely include wip updates and ramblings, maybe half formed ideas that i dump in my notes app. could post ficlets and drabbles on here, too (i would be crossposting those, since they already go up on ao3 and sometimes my lc tumblr sideblog). i also kind of want to write more honestly about simply being a writer, and the insecurities i frequently come up against, especially in a fandom context. adjacent to that, i'd like to be able to write about things that influence and inspire me, and be able to at least semi-coherently articulate what sticks with me and why -- whether that is in the form of reviews, metas, a stream of consciousness, whatever (maybe more of a media log??). lastly, i think i will touch on personal things, a bit -- little updates, things that make me happy, maybe things that make me sad. musings on queerness, identity, lesbianism and so on may be featured on here !

onto interests: i simultaneously feel like i've only ever had one interest ever and like i have way too many and i just can't remember them all. lmao. my main fandom at the moment is link click (lc) ! i've been hyperfixating on it for nearly a year now; i've gone to a cupsleeve event, i've bought way too much merch, it consumes a good 70% of my brainspace, you get it. i got into lc before yingdu chapter aired, and initially the autism latched onto shiguang. but, then vein and xia fei appeared...yeah so a lot of my entries on here will probably be mentioning veifei/veinfei in some capacity. they are also who i Mainly write fics for at the moment (i am a very one fandom at a time writer). i could honestly talk about link click all day, or even just veifei all day. 

other interests i'm (slightly) less intense about: anime (i try to keep up on seasonals + watching older shows of the genres/niches that interest me, like mahoushoujo + yes i do love ghibli). some faves include sk8 the infinity (i was insane about renga), kira kira precure a la mode, bloom into you, madoka magica, a place further than the universe, healer girl (has anyone even watched this one lol), run with the wind, insomniacs after school. i enjoy slice of life, character drama, beautiful animation, things that make me cry, romance, queer subtext, etc.

manga: yuri manga, including both ongoing stuff and then some finished stuff e.g kase san, love bullet, green yuri, general faves include our dreams at dusk, kemutai hanashi (god please read this one), the summer hikaru died, yokohama shopping log. admittedly, i haven't read a whole lot of manga in the grand scheme of things because i probs get derailed by my all consuming fandom fixations but i'd really like to read some more shoujosei.

in general i enjoy yuri/gl outside of animanga too, namely baihe novels like JWQS and FGEP! alongside that, i've enjoyed damnei/bl such as mxtx's MDZS and TGCF, and should really get around to reading some bl manga too. i like to read literary fiction, queer fiction, and fiction with beautiful prose (and i like to read poetry, sometimes, too!) Some favourites: giovanni's room, the picture of dorian grey, boy parts, swimming in the dark, the miseducation of cameron post, beloved, this is how you lose the time war.

edit: other misc interests--singing, ukulele, song writing, vtubers, butch femme history/subculture, kink/bdsm(in a fandom context yes, but also a genuine interest in it as a subculture/activity/identity ?) <- i don't think some of my content will be appropriate for minors for this reason, please tread carefully.